Firstly, forgive my lack of attention to post an update for quite some time.
Where to begin? The past couple of months have presented a number of changes, some better than others.
New job is at the top of the list with the lose of my bike being the opposite. Both have had me have to make significant changes in my lifestyle. Mostly meaning I go out less. While this has been helpful to my wallet, it has taken its toll on my social interaction. As a result, even with the happiness and sense of fulfillment my new work provides, my positivity suffers when I lack to social outlet to digest my daily deeds. I hope that makes sense as it has always been tough to put my very of logic into the right words.
The major cause of my social disconnect has been the loss of my bike. By loss I am referring to it being mangled in a hit and run about a month ago. This event coincided with a boost in responsibilities at work, meaning less free time and more sheer exhaustion, preventing me from really resolving the matter. Then, a rider was murdered in a hit and run only weeks after my own. Up until then I was still borrowing bikes but afterwards I admittedly was hesitant to ride as freely. I've been feeling the urge to ride more frequently and now it's become an issue of "fix the old" or "buy another". I'd like to find one more my size, but after a month of searching not much has turned up.
Work has been my saving grace lately. And while not without its quirks, it's pretty effing awesome. I was hired at a time of transition and expansion, something the Whip In is doing more of these days. It's allowed me creativity while also testing me, everyday, about what I "think" I know about kitchens and restaurants in general. It's a new frontier for me, one that I very much look forward to exploring. The people I work with are great and I can't really say I have beef with any of them. All that being said, my twice monthly fishing trips are really nice too.
I guess what's been bothering me the most is that it kinda just fell in my lap. Which most people would be happy about. Not that I am unhappy about. I just feel... guilty? As a Midwesterner, particularly a Michigander, did I expect to struggle more to achieve my goal? I had fetishized work for so long, that when that model was broken, it helped me clean up my head space a bit. I've realised a better balance for myself and found a sense of focus. One that I feel will lead to a better version of me.
I feel grounded for the first time in years. Calmer, more intuitive, and more graceful with actions. My low self-esteem is at an all-time high.
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